(long post/rant to save my friends the dread of hearing this again lol)
In every friend circle/group, I’ve always had that one friend, whom I would be close with. And to those close friends, I would tell them everything – from the simplest to the most complex. But within that small group of close friends, of different groups, I would have some who I don’t really talk with but still have heart to heart talks from time to time, or have long 2 am talks.
There are also another group of close friends in which I don’t know how I feel about anymore. I don’t like to play victim, when I say this, but it’s honestly the best way to describe how I feel. My feeling is that I feel ‘dropped’. What does that mean? It means where one side just suddenly stops talking or hanging out as often or anymore. It makes me wonder what did I do wrong. Was it me or did something just happen that happened between us. The feeling of being dropped is like breaking up with a significant other, but that other is your close friend. It raises questions that you question when you break up with a significant other. I would question myself : If I’m going to be hurt in the end, why should I invest in these close friendship in the first place? Why not just protect myself in the beginning so I won’t feel this way in the end? Why should I value this close friendships when the other clearly doesn’t? That feeling of being dropped just really hurts.
I was talking to my friend over dinner about this. She couldn’t answer. But she did say this – some friendships come and go. And maybe those ‘bad’ ones were the ones that just needed to go.
I thought about it more. I came to a similar conclusion. But added a little more. Some friends may have hurt me, but its possible that I have also hurt them too. And I should accept that those friends might come and go. Yes I will feel sad and hurt, but that feeling won’t last. Because, I also friends who were there for me when I needed them the most. Its those friends and friendships that I should cherish. Because those are the friends that I can really call my close friends.
(if you made it here. Thank you cuz it means a lot ❤ )